While the death of a family member or friend is commonly recognized as a substantial loss, counselors agree it’s far from the only event that produces feelings of grief. And although she says she doesn’t “fixate” on the miscarriage now, there are times when she still feels greater pangs of grief, including milestones such as first birthdays or first Christmases that never materialized. At the beginning, her sense of grief was physically, emotionally and spiritually intense, Douglas says. As many counselors are already aware and Douglas discovered firsthand, the grief didn’t disappear – it only changed with time. Also beneficial was art journaling, a combination of drawing with pastel chalk and writing that allowed her to think through her grief logically while expressing herself creatively and emotionally. Talking to others about her miscarriage was helpful to Douglas in her grieving process.
If a woman has yet to share the news of her pregnancy or wasn’t showing before her miscarriage, those around her are less likely to notice her loss or grasp the depth of the loss, leaving her feeling less legitimized in her sense of grief. Grief over a miscarriage sometimes falls under the category of “disenfranchised grief,” counselors say, because it often goes unacknowledged. “That was part of my own ethics,” she says, adding that she told her clients, “I want to be fully present for your experience, and I recognize that your experience is very different.” “No two grief experiences are alike.”īecause she was working with clients who were also dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage, Douglas made a personal decision to share her experience with them. “It taught me that it’s a really sacred and individual experience,” says Douglas, a member of the American Counseling Association. With her counseling background, Douglas had a larger selection of tools for dealing with grief than most people, but her experience drove home the point of the truly individualized nature of loss and grief. At the time of her own miscarriage, she was counseling multiple clients who were going through the same thing.
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Six weeks into her pregnancy with triplets last spring, Kristin Douglas, a licensed professional counselor at Laramie County Community College Counseling Center, had a miscarriage.ĭouglas, who’s earning her doctorate in counselor education at the University of Wyoming, was no stranger to the grief caused by miscarriage.
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